i just wanna shake the hand of whoever cam up with the ALS ice bucket challenge. not only is it raising awareness of an important cause, i’ve also seen more damp celebrities in clinging t-shirts in the past week than i ever dreamed possible.
Reading fanfiction is the worst because you start out with “I’ll just read this cute one shot” then suddenly it’s four am and you have 12 tabs open and you’re crying again because THEY DESERVE TO BE HAPPY WHY CANT THEY JUST BE HAPPY
a magician asks you to pick a card - any card, in fact. you do. they ask you to put the card back in the pack - anywhere in the pack, in fact. you do. they walk away. ten years later, your wife gives birth to the six of clubs. “is this your card?” the midwife asks, in a familiar voice.
what the fuck
whenever somebody says like “so what did you do today?” just look off into the distance and say “the right thing”
@ptvmike: “Vegas selfie.”